The Dark Side of Being the Favorite Child
By Marcia Sirota MD
Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.In my psychotherapy practice, I’ve noticed that a lot of the people I work with grew up with real discrepancies in the way they and their siblings were treated by their parents.
You won’t be surprised to know that the people I see in therapy tend to be those who were the least favored and most neglected or mistreated by their parents, while their siblings were the most favored; even spoiled, receiving the lion’s share of parental attention.
This might lead you to think that the people I work with are unhappier than their favored siblings but in fact, the opposite is true.
I’ve consistently observed that those who were the lowest on the totem pole of parental favor do considerably better in terms of life satisfaction than those who grew up at the top.
Paradoxically, those who were the least favored have less anger toward their parents than the favored children; they have less inner turmoil and confusion and are less hostile and competitive toward their adult siblings.
Those who were the least favored have a much firmer grasp on what took place during their childhood. They’re more able to acknowledge the difficulties they’re currently facing and deal with them in therapy. As a result, they have a better chance at healing from the wounds of their past.
While individuals from both groups may struggle with low self-esteem and self-defeating behaviors, the least favored child is always ahead of the game when it comes to self-awareness and openness to change.
It seems counter-intuitive, doesn’t it? From everything we know about childhood attention vs. neglect, we’d expect that those receiving the lion’s share of attention during childhood would have a better chance at happiness and success than those who were neglected, rejected or worse.
There’s a simple and logical explanation for this, which goes back to the parents.
Ask yourself this question: What kind of parents are capable of showing such demonstrable favoritism, in which one or more children are favored and one or more are neglected, rejected, or worse?